Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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