I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
