I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
