then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He keeps bees of course he's weird
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is Oprah even human
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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