I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
