so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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