you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
