He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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