Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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