she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
