Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
