never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
