I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
