come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
