I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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