I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
