i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
