I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
