at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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