you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He has the fingertips of a God
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