I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
