the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
