I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
