yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
