you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
