Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
