You really coming over, don't trick.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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