I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
