I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
