I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
