Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
