the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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