He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
