So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
