I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
