Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
