worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
