my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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