actually, I'm a sock model
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
