I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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