I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
