we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
