i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
