she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
