What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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