I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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