I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
