He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
