Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My penis needs a shock collar
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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