She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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