College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
