her vagine was all disorganized.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
