So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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