he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
