too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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