I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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